I can't begin to express how truly excited I am after all that has happened since my last post. God has done many profound things here to all the students. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one in this world that has every day struggles in the pursuit of knowing Christ.
First of all I realized I came to my DTS with the completely wrong attitude, instead of saying God what can I do for you I basically told God what I wanted. When people asked me what I wanted to learn or experience at my DTS I would answer, I want to be consumed and filled by God's Holy Spirit. The problem was I wanted that for my own edification and not for the glory of Jesus Christ. Following Christ is so hard at times because we can take our faith too serious and become religious like the Pharisees or we cannot take it serious enough and end up lukewarm. When I say religious I'm talking about people who think it’s our deeds that earn our salvation or they pray, fast, and speak only for themselves. That’s one thing that drives me crazy about Christianity down here. There are so many churches that are known as super churches that treat their services as some sort of show. I was flipping through a Christian magazine here the other day and each church advertised themselves like their leadership was the starting line-up of some pro sports team. Seeing stuff like that makes my stomach turn.
Anyways as frustrating as that may be the stuff I’m about to share is super exciting for me. I'm going to be honest I really didn't open up to anyone here the first two days because I was caught up in myself. It was all about me getting what I wanted from God with no distractions and it didn't take long for God to step in and put an end to my selfishness. I was laying in bed ready to go to sleep when one of the guys in leadership walked by and simply asked me how my day was. His name was Tony and I’m so grateful he came that night. Just from him asking me how things were I just unloaded everything I was dealing with and the frustrations I was having. In that moment it was like my heart was freed. The whole day I had felt so alone because I felt like I couldn't relate to anyone and then God sent me Tony. I'm not lying when I say this, but Tony's testimony was my testimony. I don't just mean it was close in comparison, I mean it was almost exact. I was dumbfounded by how everything I had been going through he had went through in the exact same way. He understood everything I was feeling and all the things that drove me nuts. Even though I looked good on the outside as a Christian there was one thing that we both lacked coming into our DTS and that was understanding how to love people unconditionally. Wow, did God ever wreck me that night I remember just being beside myself in how I could be so selfish and being so humbled to know that God was willing to pick me back up and set me straight.
Now if you think that our God is a God of one time wonder moments wait till you hear this. Tuesday morning we had a worship session set aside for God just to take control and lead. The profoundness of the way God moved that morning is something I’ve never experienced in my life. It started off with worship and just singing to God and after the night I had I was broken in His very presence that morning. I think I cried for an hour straight. Then after singing we watched a video, about the love of a father and his son who had a disability and how they ran marathons together. It was a beautiful video, and this led into a prayer for people who never had a father that loved them in that way. Now what I’m about to share with you now is something I've never considered the eighteen years I've lived. The DTS director asked if any of us had suffered from a father who never loved us or was never there for us to stand up. I didn't plan on standing up, but God opened my eyes and reminded me about my birth father. For those of you that don’t know I was adopted when I was about a month old. In that very moment I realized I had completely cut him out of my whole life and didn't even acknowledge that he was alive. I realized I hated him for what he did to my birth mom and how he abandoned us. I never wanted to see or forgive him, my heart was so hard towards him I had forgotten he ever was a part of my life. It was scary to think about the fact that he was practically dead to me. The truth is I am a part of him and he is my family. I've never felt so convicted in my life over anything like I did then. People prayed over me and I balled my eyes out asking for forgiveness for how blind I had been. Again the Lord freed me from another set of chains that were holding me back from his glory. Then I felt lead to share what had just been revealed to me and I stood at the front and shared. I still can't believe how everything happened so fast it was truly the most intimate moment I've ever shared with my creator to lift up my birth father in prayer and surrender to God for the very first time.
You know what the really cool thing is how God completely revealed to me how much grace he has given me in my life. I have the greatest adopted dad anyone could ask for and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. His love for me I know is something I need to thank God for every day. I think the really exciting thing is that God is only giving me a little taste of how much he loves me through my dad. I love my dad so much and if it weren’t for the way that he has taught me to be loving and considerate of others over the last eighteen years God would have never been able to break this barrier in my life because I would’ve been unwilling. God has blessed me in adoption twice, with an amazing earthly family and my heavenly family to come!
Then after I was finished speaking guess who comes and grabs me, Tony! Turns out he had a father that had hurt him too; God has an amazing way of working! We knelt and wept together and prayed for each other. I still can't fully explain to you what it felt like in that very moment, but I want you to know that in Jesus Christ alone there is restoration for the deepest wounds in our souls. I didn't even know I needed it! I truly hope that this doesn't sound like I’m trying to brag for what God has done in my life. What I do hope is that this will encourage all who read that our God is alive and well and He is waiting to meet with you and fully free you from your past.
As much as I wish I could share every little detail that has happened this week I really don’t have a whole lot of spare time. We’ve been very busy here, but it’s been so great. Again, I really don’t want this to become some sort of selfish blog when I share these things that God has shown me. I just want to share these things for encouragement that God has really been working here in Los Angeles! Thank you all again for your support and prayers may God bless you!
Adam
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